Personal Development | Warwick Merry CSP CVP

Archive For: Personal Development

Eyes of Wonder

Sydney is an amazing city. It has significant history, fantastic architecture and of course, a stunning harbour.

While hosting a conference this weekend, I was fortunate to participate in the social outing of a harbour cruise. Two hours motoring around the harbour with 200 of my newest friends!

I got talking to a Sydney-sider who told me how they forgot how beautiful Sydney was and that this twilight cruise really opened their eyes again.

We get so used to our own situation that sometimes the amazing things we have or have achieved become “normalised”. That is, they lose their wonder or more accurately, WE lose our “eyes of wonder”. Sydney’s harbour, Melbourne’s botanical garden, Brisbane’s river front, Adelaide’s churches, Perth’s beaches, Hobart’s Mount Wellington and Darwin’s night market can all become ordinary things.

What about you? What is amazing in your life? What do you no longer see?

How can you open your eyes of wonder?

It’s Finals Time

So how was your weekend? Were you one of the many that watched one of the football finals?
You had your pick of the bunch this weekend! Aussie Rules, Rugby League and there was even some other form of rugby happening in the UK. In Victoria, we even had a public holiday for the parade of the AFL Grand Final teams the day before the final (I am still not sure why).

No matter which game you may have watched, the look of jubilation and achievement on the victors faces, holding aloft their trophy was pretty cool. They had strived, trained and sacrificed to get to this spot and they deserved the win.

Here’s the thing. That team that came second place, they had also strived, trained and sacrificed. They probably deserved to win just as much.

When you think about it, even the third, fourth and fifth teams had strived, trained and sacrificed.

So while the striving, training and sacrificing are important, it is performing under pressure that counts. Being able to do what you said you would, regardless of your situation.

When is it Finals Time for you? When do you need to perform under pressure and how can you best prepare for it?

Yes And

I have just spent the last two days participating in an Impro Melbourne workshop called Harold (well everything needs a name).

The underlying philosophy of improv is “Yes And”. No matter what someone proposes as an idea or starts as method, we make them right. We say YES to that idea. Then we add to it. It becomes a “Yes And” moment. Sometimes, the biggest “Yes And” is needed for our own ideas.

These workshops have been great for my speaking and MC work but they underlying philosophy has been far more valuable.

In our workshops I see how easy it is to default to the “No But” approach. To make the other person wrong, kill their idea and try and make ours right. It seems to be a baseline that it is very easy to fall back to. Constant work is required to focus on the “Yes And” and continue to make the other person look good.

This seems to be the case in the workplace as well. While it is true that sometimes people are incorrect, there is nearly always a “Yes And” approach to addressing a situation. To make the person feel supported and right, even while fixing a mistake. It can be hard to always focus on the “Yes And” but it is so worthwhile.

So how will you embrace the “Yes And” approach today?

PS I strongly encourage you to find an Improv school near you and take a few classes. It is great fun and there are so many fabulous life lessons too. Are you up to the challenge?

What’s Your Success?

Here are a couple of thoughts on success and what you can do to build your own.

The video is only 2 minutes but the lessons lasts a lifetime, so click play and enjoy.

Wisdom from Winston

This is Winston, our Toy Poodle. Yes, you are right – he IS a very manly dog.

He turned two last month and I wanted to share with you some of the lessons he has taught us in that small time. They are valuable lessons that my help you in life.

Constantly show your love for others. Bark at them, lick them, sniff them, jump up and down – do whatever it takes.

Share your stuff. If someone comes to visit, be sure to share your toys with them. They may have fun with it too!

If it feels good, do it. It may be weird to sit on the heater vent with your ears blowing in the warm air, but it feels good.

Snuggling is good. Even sitting on the couch watching TV, it is good to snuggle in and be loved.

Say hello to strangers. Just because you haven’t met them before, doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

Welcome home your loved ones. Whether they have been gone 3 seconds, 3 hours or 3 days, show them how excited you are to see them.

Tell others what you want. Whether by scratching at the door, dropping your toy at their feet or sitting on their head to get attention.

Do everything with enthusiasm. It is not just a walk, it’s A WALK! It’s not playing, it’s PLAYING! Let your enthusiasm be contagious.

Who would have thought such wisdom would come from such a delicate being?

It’s Good for You

I have just spent the weekend with 20 of my closest friends in an eight bedroom house. They are the choir that I belong to, Mood Swing. It was our band camp where we did some drumming workshops, body movements and, of course, some singing.

It is amazing the bond we have created, the fabulous music we create and and the fun we have.

It’s …. GOOD. Good for the mind, the body and the spirit.

There is so much research on how singing together is good for you and your community. Even corporate choirs are becoming more popular and provided as part of “stress management” in the work place.

What about you? Would you Sing For Good?

As I have mentioned previously, I am honoured to be one of this years ambassadors for Sing For Good. I can highly recommend that you have a sing with some friends, video it and submit it to the site. There are some great prizes on offer and also money raised goes to support the great work that Creativity Australia does with their “With One Voice” program.

If you are not the kind of person to sing, no dramas. Head on over to the Sing For Good website and support your favourite entry with a donation. (I recommend you consider Mood Swing’s entry, but I am biased!)

Even if you don’t do that, at the very least when your favourite song comes on the radio, sing a long to it. It’s even better if you are with someone else and you both sing a long. It does great things for your health, physically and spiritually – basically, it’s GOOD!

Will You Sing For Good?

I have the honour of being an Ambassador for the Sing For Good program. It is a fun and easy way to contribute to people who need it simply by creating music. Here’s a song I sang earlier (I’m the bald dude up the back on the right):

There is a common saying that “music soothes the savage beast.”

Often the savage beast is the thing between your ears! The modern world can be quite stressful. Whether you are driving in peak hour, dealing with an inbox loaded with email or simply trying to manage a house full of family members, it is easy to get overwhelmed. This is where music comes in.

Now while listening to music is fabulous, performing it yourself gives far more benefits. Personally, the resonance in my body when I sing is as relaxing as a massage. You can feel the tension slip away as you keep singing. You also have to be completely present. You have words, notes and timing to consider all while tuning in to what others around you are doing as well.

Do you sing?

Maybe you don’t sing in a choir like me. Maybe there are a few of you who get together in a garage and bash out a few tunes on your guitars, keyboards and drum kits. Maybe you harmonise in the hallways or echo chambers at a train station. Maybe you sing in the car with the radio blaring loud as you drive along.

How good does it feel for you? It doesn’t matter how you sound it is the act of performing that feels fabulous and makes you feel fantastic. There is a natural high you get and in that moment, the rest of the world does not exist and all your troubles float away.

Singing is ~~good~~ great for the soul!

Why not share your gift? Why not show others how you can Sing for Good?

The Sing for Good program is very simple. You just have to sing with at least one other person and then upload your video to the Sing for Good website. Visitors with then vote and donate based on your video and the videos of other singers. This then raises funds for all the great work the Sing for Good program does.

There are several categories of entries and winners are NOT selected on talent alone. The key is to participate.

How does that sound to you? Something to sing about?

Keep an eye out as I will be part of several videos to help spread the message. Check out the website to find out how easy it is to enter and have some fun with your friends.

It all starts on 1st August so check it out.

Come on … let’s Sing for Good!

Wonderful Way With Words

I have just returned from a week in Washington DC where I spoke to a “standing room only” crowd who laughed at all my jokes and got a great deal out of my session. (This made me very happy!)

While I was there, I had a look around some of the monuments and galleries. The Hirshhorn Gallery of Modern Art had an installation from Barbara Kruger (the photo above.) It was fascinating and showed a wonderful way with words. She used some quotes of other people and some observations of her own to challenge you and your perspective. These quotes were printed on pieces of vinyl and pasted all over the room, escalator, floor and wherever there was a surface.

With todays “text speak” and web lingustic “shortcuts”, the power of language can be lost. When you don’t get the reaction you are after or need who’s responsible?

What are you doing to ensure you can truly tap into the power of words? Is it reading the classics? A word a day calendar? Maybe even just stopping someone when they use a word and you don’t know what it means to discover how you could use it.

Communication is so important and I wish for you to have a wonderful way with words.

Where’s Your Head At?

Greetings from Washington DC! I am over here speaking at a conference with only about 2,000 people!

While here I received an email from one of our tribe asking:

“I wonder your thoughts. A person I know said that he thinks it’s wrong to tell people/youth they can do what they want to do, be whatever they want to be.

He thinks it gives them a goal they can never reach, or a dream they can never fulfil, if they dream too big, or hope too high, they’ll never achieve it and be full of grief and hopelessness.

I say, dream as big as the stars and then have as much fun as you can getting there. Who’s right?”

You know the good thing? You are both right!

Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are right”

So by this person telling anyone, “Don’t think too big, play a smaller game, you will never make it” they will make it true. AND they will be surrounded by people who think smaller, are self limited and typically unsatisfied and grumpy.

But amazingly awesome people like YOU who say “Anything is possible, dream big and strive towards it” create fabulously positive people! Let’s be honest, they may not make it, but they chance that they will make it is far higher. Maybe they won’t make their goal but they will make it far closer that the person who listened to the person saying “don’t try” and they will have one hell of a ride along the way.

I like to think that we are building a better world by talking about what’s possible not what’s impossible.

In Washington President Kennedy said, “We will go to the moon.” He didn’t say, “We’d like to but it’s too hard, too expensive and we may not make it.” Just recently, a satellite flew past the furtherest “almost” planet Pluto.

“We will go to the moon” has taken us much father than “that’s really hard and it may not happen.”

So what about you? Where is your head at?

Give ‘Til it Helps

Often people say, “Give ’til it Hurts”, but I am more of a fan of “Give ’til it Helps.” It doesn’t just have to help them, it can also help you!

Recently I saw on Facebook (so you know it’s true) that volunteerism had declined. So I thought I would check it the research.

The Volunteering Australia website informs me that while more people are volunteering, they are doing it for a smaller amount of time. Young adults in particular have reduced the amount of hours they spend volunteering.

The great thing the research said is how good it is. Not just for the recipient, but for yourself as the volunteer.

Volunteering gives a measurable increase in:

Happiness
State of well-being
Overall state of mental health
Level of sleep
Self-Worth

Unfortunately, the volunteer rates a far lower in the city when compared to rural volunteering (34% vs 41%). Volunteering has also decreased for community services and emergency management.

From personal experience, professional associations are also declining in numbers of members and numbers of people willing to do things or give their time.

What about you? Do you volunteer? While we seem to get busier and busier, the health benefits for volunteering are outstanding and the costs are minor – it’s cheaper than therapy and almost as good for you.

Why don’t you look at how you can volunteer? It could be as simple as helping paint a friend’s room or patting dogs at the local dog shelter. It is amazing the benefits you will get.

Quite simply, Give ‘Til It Helps!

What’s It For?

So many people work hard to make a living but in the process they forget to have a life.

While work is definitely enjoyable and fulfilling, it is dangerous to make it the major cornerstone of your life.

Success is defined in so many different ways; fiscally, emotionally, spiritualy, visually, physically, socially, and randomly. So why would we try and meet all of these needs at the one place?

A recent conversation included the statement, “my work is my hobby.” This is a lie.

It is a self-deception to help justify the commitment to the job or the number of hours worked. It is important to have a hobby outside the workplace to let the mind reinvigorate, let the body refresh and let the spirit get reinspired.

So what’s your hobby, the thing that you do just for you?

If you don’t have one, then you have to ask yourself, “What’s it for?”

Well That’s Different!

My gorgeous wife and I were thrilled to be part of our friend’s wedding on the weekend. She is Sikh so the ceremony and formalities were very different to the western ones we are used to.

Your head must be covered (and there are bandana’s at the door if you need)
You must leave your shoes at the door (most people had bare feet)
It is the bride who waits at the temple for the groom to arrive (and yes, he was late!)
The temple reserves the pride of place for the holy scriptures (that’s it under the pink cover that the holy man is reading from)
The groom walks around the holy centrepiece connected to his bride by a long red cloth and she follows behind him. (This was done five times during the ceremony)

It is by experiencing different lifestyles and cultures that we remove our ignorance and fear. We get to have an appreciation of what is important to others and understand who they truly are. You may not agree with their choices or wish to make them yourself, but you get to understand them more.

There is a lot of fear in the world, fear of lifestyles, culture and different life choices, a strong fear of people who are “different” to us.

We would make great progress in eliminating those fears simply by spending time with those people. Not judging them by OUR standards but learning what are THEIR standards. We may be surprised at how similar they are to our own.

The same can be said with that person in the workplace who you just don’t understand. What can you do to understand them better? Maybe their approach is not wrong, just different.

There is a lot to be said for getting to know someone and understanding that their way is not right, not wrong, it’s just different.

Do You Deserve Good Service?

This is Rachael and Erin at the Virgin Australia lounge in Sydney.

As a person who travels quite a bit, I have earned access to the lounge. This week as I was travelling home from Sydney to Melbourne, I asked whether it was possible to get an earlier flight. They were able to get me the flight two hours earlier which was fabulous for me. Naturally when I asked, I was pleasant, cracked a few silly jokes and was even a bit playful. I figure they have a busy job, at the very least I could be nice.

They said to me, “If only all of our customers were like you.” I asked what did the “other” customers do and I was amazed at their response.

Some customers demand (demand, not ask for) an earlier flight and when they are allocated a middle seat they refuse to take it and get huffy.
Others in this situation tell (again, tell not ask) them to move someone else out of an aisle seat so they can have it
Some customers will demand an upgrade to business class because they are Gold, Platinum, tired – whatever excuse they think will get one
Some customers grab a couple of mints out of courtesy bowl without even making eye contact (ok so that’s not too bad)
Then they told me on several occasions that customers will walk past and empty the entire content of the mint bowl into their bag (and the bowl is pretty big)

While flying I have also experienced some pretty atrocious behaviour in how flight attendants are treated by fellow passengers as well. By no means is this poor behaviour confined to the airline industry. Most of us have stories of very poor behaviours from people who are looking for customer service.

Do you deserve good customer service?

Personally, I do not believe the customer is always right, but they are always the customer, but do you really think you are helping your situation by being rude and obnoxious? In many situations the person giving service is paid a fairly low amount, is fairly young (so may not have developed some of the resilience to deal with highly emotional situations) and deals with issues all day long.

So here are some guidelines on how to get far better customer service by acting in a way that deserves it:

Smile – it makes a huge difference
Be pleasant – sometimes you won’t get your way and it is not completely (or sometimes even partially) due to the person you are dealing with and that is no reason to not be pleasant.
Express dissatisfaction with a situation not with a person – once you make it a personal attack it becomes much harder to get a mutually satisfying situation and it is frequently some time later by huge regret at what you said.
Know there are more customers than just you – really, taking ALL THE MINTS is not considerate of others, it is the same with demanding all the attention of the customer service person when your situation will not progress and there are others to serve.
Have a healthy perspective. Is it REALLY that important? If I didn’t get an earlier flight, I would still get home just two hours later. Really, would that be worth flipping out over?
Ask for more but be ok if you don’t get it – I will frequently ask for an upgrade whether I am flying or renting a car. Often I get a better car, sometimes I get an exit row, twice I have been bumped up to Business Class or Premium. I usually ask in a friendly, joking kind of way. But I feel for the person behind the counter when people “demand” an upgrade because “Don’t you know who I am?” Intimidation is not a good strategy for service.
Have fun. Customer service people are human too. Typically their job is repetitive, a little dull and they tune out. If you use their name (no doubt they have a name badge), have some fun with them then it makes everyone feel better and you never know how they may look after you.
Smile – I know I mentioned it to start with but it is too important not to mention again. So many people forget to do this. They get so swept up in their own importance, their own problems and their own thoughts that they forget to smile. If you do nothing else, smile and I am certain it will make a difference.

If you can do these things you will be far more deserving of good customer service and you are more likely to receive it. It is not rocket science. In many cases it is simple courtesy and expressing your humanity. But it is forgotten far too often.

So do YOU deserve good customer service?

Want to Achieve It?

As I write this we are in Mid May. The year is almost half over.

Are you almost half way to reaching your goals?

I was fortunate to be published in the highly regarded Leading the Way magazine on what it takes to REALLY achieve your goals and I thought others would appreciated it as well.

You can check out the article here.

What Do You See?

Is it just me or is there more and more negativity in the world today?

It seems not a day goes by without something else in my stream about people being killed, tortured or at the very least being treated badly.

It is not only people, it is also the planet and other important elements of life.

That can make it hard to remain positive and see the good in the world.

Abraham Lincoln said, “People are as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

This is also true about how we see the good in the world. For all the negativity and drama (for that’s what sells news services) there are also immeasurable events of goodness and greatness happening.

I choose to focus on the good and great things that happen and look to how I can add to that rather than get swept up in the negativity and trolling of the drama. Not only does this make me feel better but it makes me more fun to be around.

So what do you see?

PS An excellent article in Psychology Today expands on this further about Why We Love Bad News and concludes with the same outcome. We get to choose our influencers and our mood set.

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