I am Feeling

But an interesting thing happened – I had feelings!

As a speaker I address audiences from 5 to 5,000 and feel incredibly comfortable in doing so. In fact, the bigger the audience the better. It was really strange to be in a dingy dark room at the back of an iconic Melbourne hotel with about 120-150 people in the audience and be really nervous. After 30 seconds on stage, I was able to relax a bit and then proceeded. So even though I haven’t been nervous like that for quite awhile, it passed quickly.

What didn’t pass quickly were my other feelings!

I am a student of personal development and the new age learning. Manifesting, Law of Attraction, Power of Positive Thinking and lots of other fun hippy trippy stuff. After a humble assessment of my comedy skill I thought that there was a fair chance I may progress to the second round. When I was doing my preparation I was focused on performing well enough to get to the second round. I was fortunate to be part of a pre-heat comedy workshop and after seeing others my confidence of getting to the second round was boosted.

On the day that 31 people gave their performances of 5 minutes each, 6 of them were to progress to the next round. After the level of laughs I got and the positive feedback from honest friends, I was confident that the second round would manifest in to reality for me. As I watched more and more of the Raw Comedy entrants I could honestly say that there were about two or three that were by far better than me and others that were close. The leader of the comedy workshop had a chat with me at half time and said in his opinion I had a strong chance of getting through.

When the six entrants going through to the next round were announced, my name wasn’t one of them. Some of the people

who did get through didn’t seem to be as funny as me or have as good a crowd response as I did. But comedy is a funny thing – not funny Ha Ha but funny strange. What appealed to the judges was different to what I did.

My friends and my own mind kicked in:
“You gave it your best shot”
“Others would not have done this”
“The judges got it wrong – we thought you were great”
“There is always next year”
“It wasn’t meant to be”

I tried to be philosophical. I looked for the positive. I sent positive vibes to the winners.

I was as pissed off as hell!

Well, maybe not that much but I was very disappointed. This was where the feelings were kicking in. I know about acceptance, moving forward, letting go of disappointment, blessing others who achieve what you want – but I still had feelings. Sometimes in the new age writings it seems like they think I am Buddha. I am not that nice!

So I felt pissed off for a couple of hours. It was great. I got in there and really wallowed in it. I felt the feelings and they passed. They no longer hold me back. I can be authentic and not pretend I am something I am not. I wasn’t unpleasant, in fact I genuinely congratulated the others but I allowed myself to feel the feelings. Some well intentioned people around me tried to shut the feelings down but I knew what was right for me.

What about you? What is right for you? How do you process your feelings? Leave a comment and let me know.

They say that the quickest way around is through. If you want to be free of the damage your feelings can cause to you and those you love (or even just your work colleagues), don’t squash the feelings down. Feel them. Process them. Have a tantrum if you need to (just make sure it is in an appropriate place). Once the feeling has gone you are free to do what you know you must.

Me…. I am now looking around for open mic nights at the many Melbourne comedy clubs. I won’t let one little set back get in my road – no matter how disappointing!