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Archive For: Personal Development
Is It OK to give compliments?
I love looking at ladies shoes – particularly Nine West.
Not in a fetish kind of way, just in a “I appreciate them” kind of way. Guys shoes always seem so boring but ladies shoes have so many fabulous styles.
Over the years I have commented to ladies when I like their shoes. Most often they are complete strangers to me. I figure they have put a lot of effort and money into looking good and if I like their shoes, they would want to know.
A couple of weeks ago I was informed that giving compliments was “not nice”!!!
Wifey and I were having lunch at a winery on the Mornington Peninsula in Victoria. As we were chatting a couple walked past on the outside of the cafe. Wifey pointed out to me the ladies boots that were really cool. We then continued with our lunch.
As we were leaving, I pushed my chair back and bumped into the diner behind me. It happened to be that lady with the boots. I apologised for bumping in to her and then said, “By the way, they are really nice shoes you are wearing. Are they uncomfortable?”
“No they really aren’t even though you think they would be”, she replied.
I then went to pay the bill.
As I was waiting for the credit card to process, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was the shoe lady’s boyfriend. He got my attention and then said, “You have just paid my girlfriend a beautiful compliment. Don’t do it again, it is not very nice.”
I said “OK” and he went on his way.
I must confess, it span me out a little. Why would someone not want to receive a compliment? Why should some one care that a random stranger said something nice about a piece of clothing their partner was wearing? Was it wrong of me to compliment the Shoe Lady?
I will continue to give strangers compliments. I think that one guy was a bit possessive. If I was shoe lady, I would be considering whether I wanted to spend a lot of time with someone who goes out of his way to discourage compliments!
Compliments are free and they are also priceless. They go straight to the warm and squidgy bit inside you that jumps with delight when you receive one. For some reason, compliments from strangers make that jump even bigger. It is more than OK to give compliments, it is one of the best things you can do.
So thanks for reading this, and by the way… I like your shoes!
Image: www.ninewest.com.au
What About Me?
It happens to all of us. We have days when our energy is down, our emotions are down and even our mood is down. Everything seems too hard and you just want to get back into bed and tell the world to go away.
When clients ask me what is the best thing to do when you get in these spots or have periods of depression, I tell them to do this.
- Get up
- Have a shower
- Put on some nice clothes
- Leave the house
- Go to a friend’s place
- Ask what is happening in their life and DO NOT talk about yourself
Thinking about ourselves and asking What About Me does nothing to lift a depressed state – frequently it makes it worse. So put yourself to one side and focus on somebody else and what is happening for them. Once you get out of your own way and stop asking What About Me, you will be amazed how your mood, energy and emotions shift.
Have a great week
Warwick
PS I have decided to do something significant about Mental Health. This Sunday I am running 5km in the de Castella Fun Run (I am not counting on lots of fun though!). Money raised by this fun run goes to Mental Health Research. I would love your support and sponsorship. You can see a picture of my crazy family and donate to the cause here.
Is It Really You?
Who are you? No I mean REALLY?
Too often we have masks we wear at work and then a different one for friends and then another for family and then another for our charity groups. After putting so many different masks on we often lose who we really are.
On top of that we have the expectations from society, our parents, our partners, our colleagues, our superiors, our inferiors and even ourselves.
So who are you really? What do you stand for? What do you like? What don’t you like? There are so many things that go into making up who you really are. Once you know, BE the authentic you.
You don’t need to be a certain way because others expect it or want it or need it. Be the authentic YOU that way no-one will ever need to ask Is It Really You?
PS Ladies if you are still developing the real you, a friend of mine is running a one-day workshop in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane called Raunchify. It’s worth looking at!
Have You Got Spirit?
Have You Got Spirit?
There is a trend sneaking up on us. Business is getting spiritual. It is not just the fringe business either.
- ANZ Bank has been teaching Meditation as part of their Perform, Grow and Breakout sessions.
- World Vision frequently has prayers before meetings (granted it is a Christian Organisation but not all who work there are Christian).
- Aetna International (a large multinational insurance company) and HP also encourage staff to grow spiritually.
I am not saying put on a robe, shave your head and sit in the corner chanting. I would have you consider the following:
- Why do you do what you do? Money, provide for others, build a business and then what? What is next? What gives it meaning?
- What do you want from your life? What is your purpose? What keeps you getting out of bed day after day?
- How do you give to the world rather than receive from it?
My experience is that those that bring a sense of spirit to the workplace are focussed on what really counts to them and better prepared to ride the ups and downs of life.
So Have You Got Spirit?
What Are You Doing?
What a big news weekend!
Aussie Cadel Evans won the Tour De France, a Norwegian man did unspeakable acts, Amy Winehouse died and my Bromance got engaged. Like most big news, within a week we will have forgotten about it or moved on to other things.
Yes some of the news was tragic, some of the news was unexpected and some of it was shocking. For most of us it will have minimal real impact. The lasting impact for each of us comes from our own actions.
Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This goes well with the concept of “Be where your hands are.”
Cadel Evans said both his training and rest process before going in to the Tour was “near perfect”. Amy didn’t want to go to rehab and Bromance had been carrying around the ring waiting for the “right moment”. It is the actions that we take right here and right now that will determine our results in the future.
So what are YOU doing?
PS Congratulations to Bromance!
PPS If you are in Melbourne and want
some further tips, ideas and Sparkenations come and see me speak at Ian Berry’s Book launch on Thursday 28th June. More info here.
PPPS If you are SERIOUS about getting more out of your life and building a life of your dreams, come to the three day Serious Abundance seminar in Melbourne 5-7 August where I will be sharing the stage with Dr John Tickell, Tracy Bartram and others. More info here
Are You Willing?
I almost can’t believe it.
It has been a week without TV!
Last Tuesday, Wifey and I decided that we would turn off the TV for a month. So we turned it off at the wall and unplugged it. Me….who doesn’t feel safe unless I am sitting there with at least one remote control in my hand!!!
A few friends asked us why. Quite simply, there is nothing on. Australia’s new FreeView is a joke. All they have done is watered down the existing programs with additional reruns. So on any particular night, we would watch the best of a bad lot. I
found myself getting angry that I was wasting my life. Bruce Springsteen said it best, 57 Channels and Nothing On!
So we decided to try a month with out TV. We can use the extra time to read, play games, exercise or even…….talk!! Communicate with the one we love?? OUTRAGEOUS!!
Anyway, it’s been a week and I have survived! No TV, no movies, no DVD’s and no computer games. No sport wasn’t an issue for me because unlike most Australian men, I don’t enjoy watching (or even playing) sport. I don’t miss the news because most of it is “infotainment”. It is what rates, not what I need to know. I can get what I need from the internet or in discussions with friends.
I don’t miss the advertising. I can still buy things and not need anyone to tell me about it. I haven’t missed any of the cop shows or lawyer shows (but I am sure CSI Geelong is not far away!) I haven’t missed the vegging out in a mind numbing stupor.
I have enjoyed the conversations. I have been more industrious in my work. I have played my bass guitar. I have been gripped by the books I have read. I have delighted in the friendships I have participated in. I have explored the internet (and found a lot of rubbish there but Lego Death Star Canteen was funny! It does have some swearing though so be warned!)
Are you willing to join us?
I am not trying to create a new movement or a new month thing or a ribbon day or anything. I am just suggesting that your life would be enriched by turning of your TV for a month. You never know what you will find. You may even find yourself!
Are They That Different?
Are they that different?
I am consistently surprised at the culture shock I get when I travel to the USA. I keep thinking we are so similar (and we are) but we are also so different.
It’s easy to spot some differences. They drive on a different side of the road and a different side of the car. They have money that is all the same colour. They spell colour without the “u”. But these are the easy ones.
Some of the more subtle or peculiar ones are: they use their cutlery differently (especially how they hold a fork), their food looks like ours but tastes different, their coffee is NOT coffee and their approach to customer service is very different to ours.
It would be easy to get in to a “whose is best” kind of discussion and the answer is no-ones. Each approach is not better simply different. Sometimes it is easy to see the differences like the ones mentioned, but there are others that are not that easy to see. This is not just between cultures, it’s also between people.
This is where a behavioural preference tool like DISC comes in handy. They enable you to consider others (like a partner, colleague, client or prospect) and determine how they like to behave and communicate. You can then change your style to match theirs. This will enable you to have much more effective communication and better relationships.
DO NOT try and make them change to suit you. Many have tried and failed. You can never change others, only yourself. The truth is that people are VERY different, regardless of cultural background. Behavioural flexibility will increase your chance of success.
Are You Crazy?
Are You Crazy?
Wifey and I had a great week in Bali. On the last day, we had time to fill in between checkout and our midnight flight. So we went for massages, manicures and pedicures. As they were pedicuring my toes I asked, “Can I have purple toenails?”
The young girls just laughed at me. Then they realised I was genuine. So we went through the colours until I got the purple I was after.
As she was painting she jokingly asked, “Do you want a flower?”
Naturally I said, “Yes please!”
Again she laughed but did it. The photo is the finished result.
Their reaction was one of “are you crazy?”
Many times I have done things and normal, sane, professional people have asked “are you crazy?”
Sure I could have done the normal thing and not had my toes painted. But I would never have seen an artist at work creating flowers with nail polish.
Sure I could have stayed in Melbourne and not taken a job in Wahgunyah 3 hrs from Melbourne but I would never had the exposure to head office that I had working on a small account rather than a large one
Sure I could have not competed in Raw (the Stand Up Comedian competition) but I would not have been able to get the experience in honing my funny bone or know how to hit other peoples.
My biggest fear is that my life will be “beige”. Being crazy or doing crazy things gives me experiences that most don’t have, understanding many search for, perspective few ever see and joy many seek. So when people ask me “Are you crazy?” I reply, “Yes, and thanks for the compliment.”
What about you? Are you Crazy? Try it, it does wonders for you.
What Inspires You?
What inspires you to get up each day and get on with your life? Is it your pay cheque? The idea of living a better life? Is it contribution to others? Is it providing for your loved ones?
If you don’t have an inspiration, how can you expect to face the day energised and ready to rock?
How Will You Celebrate
It’s my birthday! On Tuesday I turn 43 years old. Happy birthday to me!
I must confess the each year just keeps getting better. Sure there are things I would like to be different in my life but on the whole I have a blessed life.
It was Socrates who said, “A life unexamined is a life half lived.” So for my birthday, I would like you to celebrate by examining your life. To make it easier, I have created a 2 page tool I call the “Birthday Bash”. It allows you to consider the last 12 months and the next 12 months. What lessons have you learned from the last year and what can you do different for the next year.
I am celebrating my birthday by completing the Birthday Bash and having the day off, how will you celebrate?
PS Make sure you have your birthday off too! Put your leave form in today to make sure it happens. No one should have to work on their birthday!
Do You Re-Create?
Wow! What a couple of months!
It feels like I have gone from conference to conference, coaching to coaching, client to client.
I was even working several weekends.
While I had a lot of
fun doing this, I was also quite exhausted. Consequently I have done nothing for the last three days. Well maybe a bit of reading and a comedy festival show and a BBQ christening but nothing that required my normal work mode.
It is always important to have time for Rest and Recreation (Re-Creation). Think of it as giving your life equipment a grease and oil change. Time off running the equipment to ensure its long term operation.
So do you Re-Create?
PS This photo is of the ROSA Conference held out in the middle of the bush with NO mobile phone coverage or Internet – that was scary. Others commented it was 1/2 star accommodation. While the bunks in the dorm were comfy, it was also 5 star fun with campfire singing, whitewater rafting, trout fishing and astronomy (Saturn’s rings on show!)
Does It Match The Plan?
Happy Tuesday!
You may be thinking “But I usually get this on a Monday, what’s happening?”
My commitment is to send the Get More Goer every Monday (except when I forget and then it is a Tuesday). But today I didn’t forget, I chose to send it Tuesday. For many states in Australia, this Monday was a public holiday. I thought it more relevant and timely if you got this on the Tuesday and not the Monday.
This is what a Plan gives us. It gives us the facts we need to vary from the plan. We can evaluate what is the more important thing to do, what is on the plan or the other item that has arisen. This is why planning your week and your day is so important. It actually helps you be more flexible and know the cost of your flexibility.
John Lennon famously said, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”
So
does what you are doing today match the plan?
But Who Are You REALLY?
I seem to have been surrounded by kids on the weekend.
- Friday night I was with my brother’s three kids where we had an impromptu disco, karaoke, and singer impersonation session
- Sunday afternoon Wifey’s brothers three kids dropped over as I was harvesting the sunflowers and in their excitement nearly slammed the car door on one another
- Sunday night was at a friend’s place where their two kids were doing what kids do; sleeping on the dog, planning time to spend with Dad for the week, diving on the couch, showing off their chooks and vegie garden.
I LOVE the enthusiasm and vibrance of kids. They represent true authenticity. Who they are right now is who they are. They happily tell you how they feel, they have opinions on most things, their emotions show easily and quickly, and you pretty much know how they feel and who they are. The same cannot be said for many adults.
All my life I have been accused of being “childish”. So many people have told me to grow up. A friend who works in Child Psychiatry said she would assess me at being about 14 years old. Legendary base baller Chili Davis is attributed to having said “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” I believe we can be mature, professional and sophisticated combined with childlike enthusiasm and energy.
So who are you REALLY? Are you really how you behave or have years of “shoulds” changed how you are in the world? Does your inner child need to burst out and say hello?
Who are you REALLY?
PS I will be in Adelaide on Friday 15th April being childish with some non-profit clients. If you are looking for a workshop on how to Get More Sales or want to Ignite Your Team on Thursday 14th April, please email me!
How Come I Am Not Perfect?
As you know, I have been spending a bit of time playing the bass lately (I promise to not mention it next time!!)
There is a part of me that wants to pick it up and be an absolute guru at it straight away! The reality is that it is not going to happen. I need to put in the effort.
When I left University and started my IT career, I wanted to be the CEO straight away. When I started singing I wanted to be a start straight away. How come I am not perfect at
anything straight away?
I recall when Goanna won the Best New Artist award back in the 80’s, the lead singer commented that it took them 10 years to be an overnight success. I am certain Susan Boyle’s overnight success was preceded by years of practice, training and commitment. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers he says that the magic number is 10,000 hours of practise to be a leader in a field.
The secret to these 10,000 hours is actually just doing them and doing them one hour at a time.
In the area you want to be a guru, work, home, guitar or even Bass Guitar, just keep doing it one hour at a time as best as you can. This is the short cut to success!!
Enjoy!