Archive For: Personal Development

What Are You Creating?

I spent a couple of days at The Shed last week doing a few things.

It is a beautiful place that helps me reset my brain when I am feeling frustrated.

Let’s face it, there is a lot to be frustrated about.

Politics, sexism, war, treatment of indigenous peoples, treatment of refugees, people who don’t return phone calls, internet trolls, people who get offended by everything, people who never get offended, traffic, public transport, bad service, business deals that fall through, prospects who are incredibly rude … the list goes on.

Victor Frankl famously wrote in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, that there is a gap between stimulus and response.

So no matter what happens to you, you get to choose how you will respond to the stimulus rather than simply reacting to it.

What this means is rather than looking at how the world is and what we have to deal with to exist in it, we can ask, “What sort of world do we WANT to live in” and make choices to create that world.

Sometimes others may not support our choices but we have no control over that. All we can do is have control over our own decisions. To be frank, sometimes those choices are hard and the cost may be high, but they are almost always worth it.

The choices we make create our future. What kind of future do you want? What choices do you need to make to have that future come in to being? What can you start on today to make that happen?

In essence, what are you creating?

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The Other Side

I had the good fortune to hear Travis Bell, The Bucket List Guy recently.

He has some excellent processes and ideas on how to formalise creating and achieving bucket list items.

It is way more effective than that thought that “one day” you will achieve some dream.

The one key point of Trav’s that I really love is about the impact of achieving what is on your bucket list. Because it is not about the item. It is not about getting a photo of having achieved it. It is not about boosting your ego by achieving it. It is not even about bragging rights for having achieved it (let’s face it, most of our friends will say “that’s nice” and move the conversation on.)

What Trav says is that achieving your bucket list item is all about who you become on the other side of having achieved it.

Having proven to yourself that you CAN reach this goal, and having the inner satisfaction of knowing all the battles you have faced to get there. The internal reward of who you become on the other side of your achievement is what makes it all worth while.

So what do you need to put on your bucket list?

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YES – It’s a Sign of Love

Image: ShutterStock

For a country with three of the top ten most liveable cities, it is a shame that our politics don’t match. Particularly when it comes to Marriage Equality.

Our politicians have decided not to do the job that we elected them to and get us to do an Australian Idol kind of vote that is non-binding (ie they don’t have to act on the results in any way) and could possibly be illegal (there is a case before the High Court as we speak). If politicians want to know what the public think, an opinion poll would be more statistically accurate and cost about $100 million less. (Polls show up to 72% of Australians support marriage equality)

Putting all that to one side, what we are talking about is legislating love. That has never worked and has never served the people when it has been tried. My gorgeous wife is of Sri Lankan descent. In a not too distant past, some governments would have stopped (or tried to stop) our “inter-racial” marriage.

Everyone has their own opinion and will vote how they choose. But I am not clear on what voting against marriage equality will gain.

Couples will still live together, will still love each other, will still raise families if they choose, still pay taxes, still go about their normal lives – regardless of the outcome.

But voting against it means that their spouse will not be recognised under law. So should their spouse die, they will be faced with reams of paperwork to access what current married spouses take for granted. This happened to Lara Ryan and I couldn’t imagine the turmoil. In a Facebook post she talks about how she had to:

  • Get police permission to write “Spouse” on incident reports
  • Cross out boxes for Husband and Father on the birth certificate of her newborn
  • Scream in an emergency room, “She’s my wife – I know it’s not legal but she’s my wife”

Because GLBTIQ marriage is not recognised in Australia, should you get married overseas, you cannot get divorced here (because we don’t believe you got married!) Recently the United Nations said that Australia is in breach of human rights because of this because one person had to apply to them to try and get some kind of closure on their marriage. Our government is still considering this breach.

A gay couple married in the UK came to Australia for their honeymoon. Tragically one of them died here. Under our law they were not considered married so the surviving partner could not sign next of kin documents or take the appropriate action at a time of great grief.

These are just a few of the issues that are faced by our lack of marriage equality. All because their committed relationships are not recognised by our laws.

Oh, and the impact on non-GLBTIQ people if GLBTIQ people get married? NONE. (Well except for missing out on some fantastic celebrations). According to the multiple other countries that allow everyone to get married, there has been no devastation, no corruption of the innocent, all that has happened is that anyone can now take the steps to get married.

Voting Yes on our non-binding plebiscite is a vote of love. It is a vote for other peoples love as well as your own. It is a vote for allowing basic rights to those that have been denied them. It is a vote of tolerance. It is a vote of consideration. It is a vote to allow people to show publicly what others already know. It is a vote for our country to move forward.

Some people will vote No for religious reasons but I don’t understand that. Most religions I know of are founded on love. Nearly every holy scripture, regardless of religion, will have a quote saying that love is the foundation of life (or something to that affect). While you may not agree with marriage equality, who are you to impose your will on another who will keep loving their partner regardless of what you think? Wouldn’t it be an act of love to contribute to their security, their happiness, their love?

Let’s be super honest, the sanctity of marriage has long past. We have TV shows where people get married without having met the person before. Celebrities get married for a matter of hours, not even days. It is not uncommon for people to have been married multiple times (I am up to my second but that’s where it ends for me!) It is a great institution and a display of commitment, but let’s not say it is something it is not.

In a world where we see hate in action on a daily basis, it is time for a strong act of love.

 

PS Shaun Micallef puts forward one of the best arguments on this subject. It’s worth watching.

 

 

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It’s In the Doing

Image: Makita.com.au

We recently purchased one of these Random Orbital Sanders. Just the thing to sand some reclaimed timber that we want to use at the Shed.

I spent four hours over the weekend removing old nails and sanding old fence palings.

So now my hands feel a bit sore, my ankle is swollen, my back is a little sore, and I feel fabulous.

It is because I can look at the piles of palings all sanded, packed and ready to take to the shed and feel great about what I have achieved.

Many of us now spend our days working flat out and struggle to see what we have achieved at the end of the day. It can feel like a merry-go-round. Another day doing the same thing and feeling like you are getting nowhere.

So how can you visualise your “doing” so you can see what you have achieved?

Is it creating a graph of the sales calls you have made, the articles you have published, or the number of times people listen to your podcast? Is it a timeline showing progress on your next event, a project plan showing how close you are to the due date or a task list with the completed tasks all marked off?

Whatever you do, find a way to show progress on your doing.

The feeling of achievement and success comes from “doing” and often in our technological world, we miss that sense of achievement.

How do you measure your “doing”?

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Sensation of Simplicity

Under the strict supervision of Winston the Wonder Poodle, my gorgeous wife and I spent the weekend at our shed doing a few more bits around the place with our good friends Danielle and David.

On Sunday when they left to go and volunteer for Rotary, we did a few more things and then had lunch in front of the fire.

I am the first to admit that our shed is “rustic”. We are slowly but surely adding the creature comforts, A recent addition has been the fireplace which came in handy since it was 2C overnight!

But a simple ploughman’s lunch (that’s posh for “whatever is in the fridge/cupboard on a plate”) in front of the fire with your loved one was sensational. There is something hypnotic about watching the flames, feeling toasty warm while you are eating yummy food at a warm drink.

There is a lot of pleasure in getting back to the simple things and not being reliant on technology or complex and sophisticated set ups.

In business, that may be a simple phone call, a direct conversation, a basic agreement or an understanding chat over coffee rather than some sophisticated communication strategy or complex legal contract. While there is a place for these things, never underestimate the power of simplicity.

Simplicity gives the feeling of effortlessness and connection, and that is simply sensational.

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Make No Mistakes

Over the weekend, my lovely wife Sam and I did a bit of handy man work up at our shed.

Sam was operating the drop saw and … well … the picture says it all. Drop Saw 1, Sam 0.

The good news is that it was only a minor incident with a small graze on her hand. As the Black Knight said, “tis but a scratch.”

In a recent episode of the Get More Success show, guests Sonya and Sacha said that they make no mistakes. They are purely learning experiences. When something doesn’t work, they now know what NOT to do so they do something different.

This is what Sam did.

I guarantee she will not put her hand under a rotating blade again. She has learnt how little effort is needed to break the skin. I also know she will be a lot more focussed on where her hands are in relation to all the tools she is using.

What about you?

Whether it is using tools, dealing with your kids or dealing with customers and colleagues in the work place, do you make mistakes or is your experience purely focussed on learning what will move you forward?

 

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Are You In Control?

Are you in control?

There are so many people in the workplace who continually quest for control. Unfortunately for them, control is an illusion.

It seems to be that just when you think you’re in control something will happen to show you that it is clearly not the case. For example, my year was starting very well. I had my marketing and sales process is all down pat. I was firing on all cylinders … and then I broke my leg! Spending four months sitting in a chair definitely had an impact!

This weekend I got to see Australia’s premier improvisations troop, Impro Melbourne, in action. While watching the show, it made me think that the only way to stay in control is to be aware that you truly never have control. Rather than fighting for control, it’s all about being able to influence the situation that you’re in.

Watching the Director’s trying to influence a situation, giving the actors the freedom to do what they think best within some loose guidelines, created some amazing performances. It is the willingness to trust others and understand that they are all working towards the larger goal that gives both freedom and a sense of control.

You never know what someone else will do with the words that you say, the emails you send, or the input you give. All you truly have control over is your reaction to it.

So the purist form of control is understanding that you have no control whatsoever. Simply being in the moment and being willing to take responsibility for the situation and your response to it is enough.

Are you in control?

 

 

 

 

 

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Are You Flexible?

Image: ShutterStock

If you stop and listen to any management consultant or coach, they will tell you about “Change”.

Change in the technology age is considered “Normal”. Just as you get comfortable with Facebook they change how it operates. You no longer buy software with your computer, you pay an annual fee and get continual updates. You don’t need to perform your own computer backups anymore because anything you store on the cloud is backed up regularly.

Technology shifts so fast that new phones only have an effective life of about three years, and we are ok with that because the latest and greatest does more, has more and IS more. Some technology is so awesome, we can’t imagine life without it. I mean, what did you do before Google Maps?

So change is happening and all this technology and process “out there” is changing but what about you?

You may be willing to embrace new technology but are you able to let go of old ways that no longer serve you? Are you able to shift your thinking and admit you were misinformed, confused or simply, plain old WRONG?

Flexibility is more about letting go of old ways than it is embracing new ones.

It is about maintaining an open mind and using that gap between the stimulus and the response described by Dr Viktor Frankl, to give a considered response rather than a gut reaction.

So with how you see life, yours as well as those around you, are you Flexible?

 

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It Takes Time

Image: ShutterStock

Are we there yet?

It feels like I have been on the road to recovery from this broken ankle for eons, but it has only been a matter of months. I have had the screws and metal work out for a little while now but still I am not cured.

It seems that sitting on your backside, doing no physical activity and not putting any weight on your leg means that for that leg, the ligaments and tendons have all constricted. So that now when I walk I look a little like Quasi Modo!

I am frustrated.

I had plans. When that metal work was out and I stopped using the boot, I had stuff to do. But it turns out that it takes time.

Too much physical exertion exhausts me. My fitness (the little I had) has left me so that even when I am singing with my choir, I am out of breath on songs that didn’t use to affect me. Regaining that fitness takes time.

While my mind is ready for my body to be better, my body needs more time. A lot more time. There will be stretching, gentle exercise and plenty of positive self talk to get me there.

It is frustrating but it is also my reality.

Do you find that as well? Maybe you aren’t getting the sales results you are after, the promotion you know you deserve hasn’t been realised or even after all your workouts, your fitness hasn’t improved yet. It takes time.

You are on the path. Keep doing the work and know that sometimes it just takes time.

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Isn’t It Enough?

Image: ShutterStock

As someone who shares the stage with many speakers, I have heard a lot of messages (inspirational and otherwise) over the years. An underlying them seems to be “you are not enough”. If only you did more of this, that and the other thing your life would be better.

Along comes social media. Again we are bombarded with images and messages from people many of which seem to say or imply that you should eat this, do that, exercise this much, work harder, achieve more, make more, parent better, be more creative… There is no end to it.

TV is loaded with fearful and guilt laden messages of “if you were a good parent/sibling/child/grandparent then you would buy this product/service”. Even the TV shows and movies set an unrealistic example. Compare the class of the tv show The West Wing with what is currently happening in the White House.

Here’s the thing. I am all for self improvement and creating a better life for yourself but at what cost?

I love the concept of learn from the past, plan for the future but live in today.

Too often many people (myself included) forget to enjoy the day and celebrate all you have achieved because their focus is in the future on what they want or “should” have.

Personally, I am spending a lot less time on social media as it does not serve me well. I have refocussed on the amazing things I already have in my life. Yes I have plans and goals but I am enjoying my life as I live it and not just waiting for the day that I have achieved everything I think I should.

Life as I am living it is great. It is enough. In fact, it is more than enough. How about yours?

 

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How’s Your Perspective?

Image: ShutterStock

One of the great things to come out of having a broken ankle/leg has been the shift of perspective.

At different stages I have had to use different mobility aids: crutches, wheel chair and even scooting down the hallway on an office chair. While using these different ways to get around, I realised how much I don’t consider anyone who is not able bodied.

For example, my gorgeous wife took me to Coles Supermarket to do some shopping with the trusty wheelchair. As we wheeled up and down the aisles I saw people do something weird and then realised that I usually do the exact same thing.

You know when you carry the basket around, it has a few things in it so it’s a little heavy, and then you can’t find the thing you want on the shelf. So you put the basket down, take a step back and peruse the whole shelf looking for it. Unbeknown to you, you have effectively blocked the entire aisle!

A simple “excuse me” had the person looking a little embarrassed and quickly moving out of the way.

I also found that now having a height in the chair of 1.2 metres (about 4 feet) rather than my usual 1.9 metres (about six foot three), I couldn’t what was on the top shelf. While I could see the stuff on the bottom shelf it was difficult for me to reach. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just a different perspective.

Another time I was wheeling into an electronics retailer and I couldn’t fit down half of the aisles. I wanted a portable hard drive and I could barely squeeze past the display to see them. They also had plenty of “specials” piled around the place. They looked great and effectively blocked me from passing.

I must stress the staff at all of these stores were happy to help me and make some special accomodations for me but it reinforced how we rarely consider those with needs different to our own. Whether they be physical, emotional or otherwise.

When you are dealing with your customers and prospects have you truly considered their perspective? Is there something particular that they need? Do you need to ask them more questions to find out what is really going on for them?

Hopefully you won’t need to fall off your motorbike to shift your perspective. A few simple questions and a willingness to step out of your ordinary situation should do it!

PS If you want some excellent perspective shifting and funny tv, I highly recommend watching Speechless.

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What CAN You Do?

broken leg in jeans

Today marks the last day of the fifth week of my broken leg and ankle (not that I am counting).

When I talk with my friends, family and customers they are quite surprised how positive I am.

Now don’t get me wrong. The cast is uncomfortable, it is hard to get around, crutches are no where near as much fun as my childhood memories, I can’t do anything around the house, making myself a cup of coffee is almost impossible and I have started to dream about walking.

To stay positive, I am firmly focussed on what I CAN do and not on what I can’t.

If I started to focus on what I can’t do, I would enter a spiral of self-pity, depression and self-loathing that would help no-one. While it is not easy, I am choosing to focus on what I CAN do.

Focussing on the simple things of being able to go to the toilet by myself, pat my dog, being able to put on jeans and go out for a coffee (like the Werribee Mansion where we went on Sunday as per the photo), take phone calls, write blogs, record podcasts, keeps me positive.

Coupling that with gratitude for all the positive things I have in my life means that my attitude stays healthy while my body heals. Yes it is inconvenient not being able to walk for the next 10 weeks but I know from personal experience how fortunate I am to have such a minor accident. My reason to be in hospital for four days was a simple one with a known answer. I have some brilliant friends, family and colleagues who have been visiting and keeping me fed. I am relatively independent on my crutches and I have experienced hardly any pain.

What about your situation? If you are stuck, feeling blocked, impacted by external factors just ask yourself, “What CAN you do?”

Then simply start doing that.

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What Are You Working On?

Image: ShutterStock

Do you spend much time working on yourself?

There are many people in this world who think they are pretty magnificent. All you need to do is ask them and they will tell you how good they are!

I love the concepts of “If you don’t grow, you go” and “once you are ripe, you rot“.

Simple statements that position how important it is to continually work on yourself.

Now before you thank, “I don’t have time”, “I’m too busy” or “what the? Something ELSE to do?” you need to understand that working on yourself doesn’t have to be a formal education process or something ADDITIONAL you need to do.

Here are some simple ideas that have a positive impact on you and can help you grow:

  • Read a book (it doesn’t have to be a business book, novels add new ideas and perspectives too)
  • Attend an industry convention
  • Join a mastermind group
  • Attend a networking function
  • Listen to a podcast (Naturally I recommend the Get More Success Show)
  • Spend time with friend talking about challenges you all face
  • Write a gratitude journal
  • Join your Professional Association
  • Sing in a choir
  • Join a charitable organisation
  • Create something
  • Ask someone else what they would do in your position and truly listen to their answer
  • Watch a foreign film (some classics you can start with include Amelie, Cinema Paradiso, Babette’s Feast and Mon Oncle)
  • Play with some kids and some Lego or building blocks to see what they create
  • Attend a trade show
  • Have a hobby

The trap of thinking we know enough is that the world keeps moving on and we can get stuck in our own way of thinking.

So what are you working on?

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Innovation is Alive and Well

Waiting for #Adele #melbourne #etihad

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You may be aware that Adele is touring Australia and performing to sellout stadiums of over 60,000 people. Tickets sold out super quick and many have been left wanting (even with ticket prices from $200 and up).

But some people have been innovative and got to see and hear the concert for a lot less.

A friend of mine in Perth used the natural acoustics of the Perth Arena and the fact that he lives near it to simply sit on his back veranda with a pleasant beverage and enjoy the concert without having to pay a thing.

My favourite story (and one that makes me think, “Why didn’t I do that?”) is one of my gorgeous wife’s friends took their daughter to a hotel complex right next to Etihad Stadium in Melbourne. They paid $99 for the nights accomodation and could then sit on the pool deck, see the huge Adele monitor down inside the arena as well as hear every song, every Adele comment and every joyous moment of the concert.

Innovation does not have to be complicated. Innovation can simply be taking advantage of existing conditions.

Innovation is far from dead in this country. It does not take massive resources, you don’t have to be a huge company, it can be simple things you do daily.

So how do you show that innovation is alive and well?

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Make it Fast by Going Slow

Ooops!

It seems I have caused myself a little damage. I was going for a short ride and right outside the front of my house, the back wheel slipped and I fell breaking my ankle.

I was going about 10 km/h, I was wearing full leathers and I was doing everything right. It is what you call an accident. (Not a purposedent!)

After four days in hospital, some ankle reconstruction surgery and some fabulous pain killers, I am now home recovering.

The prescription is six weeks without any weight bearing on my right leg.

SIX WEEKS!!

OK so it is a long time. My commitment is to be a patient patient. Too many people I know rush back early and do more damage and that is not what I want to do. I want to heal my ankle the first time and not have to go back for further treatment.

What about you? Can you be patient? Will you make it fast by going slow?

 

 

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