Archive For: Relationships

Does It Help?

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As you may know, I broke my ankle earlier this year. My recovery is going well. I have all the steel plates and screws out and my treatment regime is not regular physiotherapy to get my range of movement back.

As part of my post surgery review, I had a check up with my surgeon. My physio asked me to have the surgeon send the notes from the original operation as he didn’t have those and wanted to see what physical limitations the surgery may have caused.

So far, so good. All very simple and normal questions that you may think about a persons recovery. This is where it got interesting.

So I went and had a chat to the ankle specialist who has taken over my “care” from the surgeon as their processes dictated. The care is in quotation marks because this doctor has very few people skills, struggles to answer direct questions and starts ruminating about problems you may have in 30 years time. He’s a bit weird (but apparently brilliant!).

At the end of my consultation as I asked if he could send my notes on the first operation to the GP practice my physio works out of. He gave me the look that said “that’s beneath me” and actually said, “just ask the girls at the front desk and they can sort it.”

Ok then.

At the front desk I asked the same question of the receptionist who said, “Why didn’t the doctor just ask for it?” To which I replied, “he said to ask you.”

She then said that for her to release it she would need an application under the freedom of information act. It would be easier if I got my GP to request the information to be sent.

Oh dear.

I rang my GP clinic after I left and explained the situation. The receptionist said, “Oh dear. It sounds like you have been getting the run around.” I gave her the identifying information and she said she would fax a request straight away.

Yay.

Then I asked if she could send a copy to the Physio who works out of their rooms. She replied, “Oh no. He will have to request it. We can’t just give it to him.”

Now I KNOW that this is minor to what others have to put up with in both the medical and non-medical professions. And I KNOW that there are many people who follow policies that they KNOW stuff around their clients but they have no choice as it is mandated that they do it.

Policies and procedures are an important part of business systems and great customer service. Celebrated author Michael Gerber in his book The E-Myth Revisited, stated that “Systems run the business and the people run the systems.”

So what policies do you have in your work place? Do they help or hinder the customer? How do they make life easier for everyone?

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The Art of Polite Debate

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It’s official, we have lost the art of polite debate.

The evidence is littered across the pages of Facebook, scattered in the comments on YouTube videos and evident in any of our recent vision of political discussions.

There are two impediments to our ability to debate politely: 1) Our Target and 2) Our Beliefs.

Our Target

Our target has shifted. In the past it was simply the person with whom we were talking. Now it is anyone watching. So our arguments have to be inflated, exaggerated, entertaining, influencing and somewhat over the top. Not for the person we are debating but for anyone else who may be watching.

Our target has also moved from the subject matter to the individual. A healthy, logical argument would attack the subject and poke flaws at the process or logic that was used and during the discussion, offer an alternate, more robust and more logical method to come to a conclusion. Now it seems the first step (or if you are lucky, the second step) is to attack the individual.

When I say “attack” I really mean it. The abuse and vitriol that is used is astonishing and all it does is make the person being attacked more defensive and closed minded in their beliefs.

Our Beliefs

The Josh Wheedon film, Serenity, has a fantastic scene where the older cleric discusses how the government operative has a blinding belief that drives him and nothing can stop him because of the strength of his belief.

We see this every day.

Logic no longer has a place in many discussions, let alone debates. Some people’s beliefs are so strong that they can not even consider the undesirable impact of their beliefs. Their belief is so strong that they struggle to see why anyone could have a different perspective from theirs. Their belief is so strong that their mind is closed. Closed even to different approaches that may make their lives better.

So what can we do?

There are a couple of key elements to a healthy, polite and respectful debate:

  • Attack the subject and not the person – even if you think the other person is wrong, even if you don’t think they deserve it, treat them with courtesy.
  • Base your argument on proven facts – opinions are great but some are wildly inaccurate and damaging. Facts will always serve you well.
  • Be passionate about your position. Facts alone won’t do it but be careful not to be blinded by passion.
  • Be willing to be wrong. If you are not willing to even consider the opposing view point, how can you hope for your opposition to be open to your perspective.
  • Listen to what is being communicated. If you are unable to listen, your debates has just become a shouting match.
  • Don’t let your beliefs stop you from seeing the truth. The facts and truth have a power to them that beliefs never will. Sometimes you need to get out of your own road.
  • Let it go. Sometimes there are debates you will never be able to take part in (let alone win). These are the ones you have to walk away from. Adding fuel to the flame will only build a bigger fire and risk you getting burnt. Choose your debates wisely.

No matter what you debate, you can always do it politely and with respect while being passionate about your position.

So how will you practice the art of polite debate?

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Extreme Self Care

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One thing I work on with all of my mentoring clients with is Extreme Self Care. That is, putting significant effort into making sure your needs are met and that you get what you need to protect yourself as you grow.

Most commonly this is the old story from the flight attendant telling you to put your own mask on before trying to help others. But it is more than that.

It is standing up for yourself and even fighting for yourself when you need to.

I have a situation like that at the moment.

Naturally I have considered the situation from a customer service perspective as well as from a brand impact perspective. I have even received external advice on the situation to take any personal opinion out of the situation. The outcome is that I will be enforcing a cancellation fee.

The reason?

I am worth it and so is my business. It is worth fighting for. It is worth delivering good service for. It is worth practicing extreme self care for. It is also worth respecting.

It is not the easier path but it is the more worthwhile and rewarding path.

Where do you need to practice Extreme Self Care?

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YES – It’s a Sign of Love

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For a country with three of the top ten most liveable cities, it is a shame that our politics don’t match. Particularly when it comes to Marriage Equality.

Our politicians have decided not to do the job that we elected them to and get us to do an Australian Idol kind of vote that is non-binding (ie they don’t have to act on the results in any way) and could possibly be illegal (there is a case before the High Court as we speak). If politicians want to know what the public think, an opinion poll would be more statistically accurate and cost about $100 million less. (Polls show up to 72% of Australians support marriage equality)

Putting all that to one side, what we are talking about is legislating love. That has never worked and has never served the people when it has been tried. My gorgeous wife is of Sri Lankan descent. In a not too distant past, some governments would have stopped (or tried to stop) our “inter-racial” marriage.

Everyone has their own opinion and will vote how they choose. But I am not clear on what voting against marriage equality will gain.

Couples will still live together, will still love each other, will still raise families if they choose, still pay taxes, still go about their normal lives – regardless of the outcome.

But voting against it means that their spouse will not be recognised under law. So should their spouse die, they will be faced with reams of paperwork to access what current married spouses take for granted. This happened to Lara Ryan and I couldn’t imagine the turmoil. In a Facebook post she talks about how she had to:

  • Get police permission to write “Spouse” on incident reports
  • Cross out boxes for Husband and Father on the birth certificate of her newborn
  • Scream in an emergency room, “She’s my wife – I know it’s not legal but she’s my wife”

Because GLBTIQ marriage is not recognised in Australia, should you get married overseas, you cannot get divorced here (because we don’t believe you got married!) Recently the United Nations said that Australia is in breach of human rights because of this because one person had to apply to them to try and get some kind of closure on their marriage. Our government is still considering this breach.

A gay couple married in the UK came to Australia for their honeymoon. Tragically one of them died here. Under our law they were not considered married so the surviving partner could not sign next of kin documents or take the appropriate action at a time of great grief.

These are just a few of the issues that are faced by our lack of marriage equality. All because their committed relationships are not recognised by our laws.

Oh, and the impact on non-GLBTIQ people if GLBTIQ people get married? NONE. (Well except for missing out on some fantastic celebrations). According to the multiple other countries that allow everyone to get married, there has been no devastation, no corruption of the innocent, all that has happened is that anyone can now take the steps to get married.

Voting Yes on our non-binding plebiscite is a vote of love. It is a vote for other peoples love as well as your own. It is a vote for allowing basic rights to those that have been denied them. It is a vote of tolerance. It is a vote of consideration. It is a vote to allow people to show publicly what others already know. It is a vote for our country to move forward.

Some people will vote No for religious reasons but I don’t understand that. Most religions I know of are founded on love. Nearly every holy scripture, regardless of religion, will have a quote saying that love is the foundation of life (or something to that affect). While you may not agree with marriage equality, who are you to impose your will on another who will keep loving their partner regardless of what you think? Wouldn’t it be an act of love to contribute to their security, their happiness, their love?

Let’s be super honest, the sanctity of marriage has long past. We have TV shows where people get married without having met the person before. Celebrities get married for a matter of hours, not even days. It is not uncommon for people to have been married multiple times (I am up to my second but that’s where it ends for me!) It is a great institution and a display of commitment, but let’s not say it is something it is not.

In a world where we see hate in action on a daily basis, it is time for a strong act of love.

 

PS Shaun Micallef puts forward one of the best arguments on this subject. It’s worth watching.

 

 

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Sensation of Simplicity

Under the strict supervision of Winston the Wonder Poodle, my gorgeous wife and I spent the weekend at our shed doing a few more bits around the place with our good friends Danielle and David.

On Sunday when they left to go and volunteer for Rotary, we did a few more things and then had lunch in front of the fire.

I am the first to admit that our shed is “rustic”. We are slowly but surely adding the creature comforts, A recent addition has been the fireplace which came in handy since it was 2C overnight!

But a simple ploughman’s lunch (that’s posh for “whatever is in the fridge/cupboard on a plate”) in front of the fire with your loved one was sensational. There is something hypnotic about watching the flames, feeling toasty warm while you are eating yummy food at a warm drink.

There is a lot of pleasure in getting back to the simple things and not being reliant on technology or complex and sophisticated set ups.

In business, that may be a simple phone call, a direct conversation, a basic agreement or an understanding chat over coffee rather than some sophisticated communication strategy or complex legal contract. While there is a place for these things, never underestimate the power of simplicity.

Simplicity gives the feeling of effortlessness and connection, and that is simply sensational.

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Make No Mistakes

Over the weekend, my lovely wife Sam and I did a bit of handy man work up at our shed.

Sam was operating the drop saw and … well … the picture says it all. Drop Saw 1, Sam 0.

The good news is that it was only a minor incident with a small graze on her hand. As the Black Knight said, “tis but a scratch.”

In a recent episode of the Get More Success show, guests Sonya and Sacha said that they make no mistakes. They are purely learning experiences. When something doesn’t work, they now know what NOT to do so they do something different.

This is what Sam did.

I guarantee she will not put her hand under a rotating blade again. She has learnt how little effort is needed to break the skin. I also know she will be a lot more focussed on where her hands are in relation to all the tools she is using.

What about you?

Whether it is using tools, dealing with your kids or dealing with customers and colleagues in the work place, do you make mistakes or is your experience purely focussed on learning what will move you forward?

 

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Are You In Control?

Are you in control?

There are so many people in the workplace who continually quest for control. Unfortunately for them, control is an illusion.

It seems to be that just when you think you’re in control something will happen to show you that it is clearly not the case. For example, my year was starting very well. I had my marketing and sales process is all down pat. I was firing on all cylinders … and then I broke my leg! Spending four months sitting in a chair definitely had an impact!

This weekend I got to see Australia’s premier improvisations troop, Impro Melbourne, in action. While watching the show, it made me think that the only way to stay in control is to be aware that you truly never have control. Rather than fighting for control, it’s all about being able to influence the situation that you’re in.

Watching the Director’s trying to influence a situation, giving the actors the freedom to do what they think best within some loose guidelines, created some amazing performances. It is the willingness to trust others and understand that they are all working towards the larger goal that gives both freedom and a sense of control.

You never know what someone else will do with the words that you say, the emails you send, or the input you give. All you truly have control over is your reaction to it.

So the purist form of control is understanding that you have no control whatsoever. Simply being in the moment and being willing to take responsibility for the situation and your response to it is enough.

Are you in control?

 

 

 

 

 

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Are You Flexible?

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If you stop and listen to any management consultant or coach, they will tell you about “Change”.

Change in the technology age is considered “Normal”. Just as you get comfortable with Facebook they change how it operates. You no longer buy software with your computer, you pay an annual fee and get continual updates. You don’t need to perform your own computer backups anymore because anything you store on the cloud is backed up regularly.

Technology shifts so fast that new phones only have an effective life of about three years, and we are ok with that because the latest and greatest does more, has more and IS more. Some technology is so awesome, we can’t imagine life without it. I mean, what did you do before Google Maps?

So change is happening and all this technology and process “out there” is changing but what about you?

You may be willing to embrace new technology but are you able to let go of old ways that no longer serve you? Are you able to shift your thinking and admit you were misinformed, confused or simply, plain old WRONG?

Flexibility is more about letting go of old ways than it is embracing new ones.

It is about maintaining an open mind and using that gap between the stimulus and the response described by Dr Viktor Frankl, to give a considered response rather than a gut reaction.

So with how you see life, yours as well as those around you, are you Flexible?

 

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Isn’t It Enough?

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As someone who shares the stage with many speakers, I have heard a lot of messages (inspirational and otherwise) over the years. An underlying them seems to be “you are not enough”. If only you did more of this, that and the other thing your life would be better.

Along comes social media. Again we are bombarded with images and messages from people many of which seem to say or imply that you should eat this, do that, exercise this much, work harder, achieve more, make more, parent better, be more creative… There is no end to it.

TV is loaded with fearful and guilt laden messages of “if you were a good parent/sibling/child/grandparent then you would buy this product/service”. Even the TV shows and movies set an unrealistic example. Compare the class of the tv show The West Wing with what is currently happening in the White House.

Here’s the thing. I am all for self improvement and creating a better life for yourself but at what cost?

I love the concept of learn from the past, plan for the future but live in today.

Too often many people (myself included) forget to enjoy the day and celebrate all you have achieved because their focus is in the future on what they want or “should” have.

Personally, I am spending a lot less time on social media as it does not serve me well. I have refocussed on the amazing things I already have in my life. Yes I have plans and goals but I am enjoying my life as I live it and not just waiting for the day that I have achieved everything I think I should.

Life as I am living it is great. It is enough. In fact, it is more than enough. How about yours?

 

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Sometimes You Need A Distraction

Image: The view from the west wing in the Shed looking to the North.

 

The worst spot for me to be is in my own head.

I have thoughts that circle around so much that sometimes I find it hard to tell what is the truth and what is just an opinion.

My broken ankle has exacerbated this situation. For the last three months or so, I have been unable to walk, drive or leave the house. I so need a distraction. For the last couple of weeks my gorgeous wife has been in Sri Lanka to become a God Mother so I have felt this isolation more keenly.

Luckily I have some amazing friends. After a couple of phone calls, my fabulous friend Anne said she would happily drive me the 90 minutes to see our farm, hang around for 30 mins or so and then drive the 90 mins back.

During our drive we both agreed that we had stuff and thoughts we needed to be sidetracked from and a days adventure was just the trick.

The Australian countryside is amazing. Having a drive with a good friend, chatting about life (including the beauty of the Oxford comma) and enjoying the world what just what I needed. Then to spend about an hour foofing around at the Shed while Anne went and had a chat to the horses and strolled around the farm, was brilliant.

Today I feel refreshed, invigorated and have a lot more clarity around what is truly important. I have a renewed focus and connection with the world. All this from a simple distraction.

Where is your head at? What would a distraction do for you?

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Why Would You Do That?

Last week i was fortunate enough to share the day with the other members of the Professional Speakers Association Board as well as our Past National President representative. It was a full on day which had some great outcomes.

Following my recent announcement that I had taken on the position of President for Professional Speakers Australia, several of my contacts asked, “why would you do that.”

It’s a great question.

Let’s be honest, in an Association President position, there is little kudos, a lot of extra work, distraction from your business, time away from family, many people advising you on what you “should” do and a ringing question of “is it worth it?”

My experience in being of service to an organisation is that it pays back in multiples, just never in the way you thought it would or should. I have been on the board several times, served at several chapter positions and even been the organiser of the national convention. This has added up to a lot of time and energy.

The benefits from all of this service continue to be delivered to me.

  • I have had tens of thousands of dollars worth of business referrals from members
  • I have been asked to speak at Global Speakers Federation sister associations in the USA, Singapore and New Zealand
  • I have met some of the top speakers in the world
  • Some of the best speakers have donated their time to me to help grow my skill sets
  • Event industry experts have sought me out for my opinion on Event issues the industry is facing
  • I have seen blossoming speakers create significant businesses
  • I have made some fantastic new friends
  • Big name speakers make themselves available for my projects like the Get More Success show and Get More Inspiration
  • I have made new friends all around the world

Too often the focus is “What’s in it for me?” But being of service to your industry and association pays off in ways you cannot begin to imagine, financial and non-financial.

So if you are wondering, that’s why I would do that.

What about you? Do you perform acts of service?

 

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What Is It Good For?

During my state of recovery and rest I have revisited some of the classic films we have. One that appeals to me greatly is the original M*A*S*H film.

The film is very clever in showing the intensity and futility of war. The series that followed continues that message.

Fortunately, we live in a time when deaths from war are at an historic low. Having said that, the damage from war is still way to high. The recent episode of “You Can’t Ask That” on recently returned war veterans is a strong indication of the damage that war does.

While the recent activities with USA, Russia, China, Syria, and North Korea seem to hint at the ghoulish nightmare of increased military conflict, it is not just there that we should be concerned.

Sometimes the war is not a military action but a disagreement between departments, companies, friends, family members or even with your customers. The best way to win a war is not to be in it.

In some situations you can be Right or you can be Happy and you get to choose.

Help stop a futile situation from escalating and sacrifice your desire to be Right. Look at the big picture, ask “how important is it” and come up with a solution that both parties can live with. Sometimes it is not that easy but the cost (financial, emotional, and of your reputation) is far lower than outright war.

You always have to ask yourself; War – What is it good for?

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What Are You Working On?

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Do you spend much time working on yourself?

There are many people in this world who think they are pretty magnificent. All you need to do is ask them and they will tell you how good they are!

I love the concepts of “If you don’t grow, you go” and “once you are ripe, you rot“.

Simple statements that position how important it is to continually work on yourself.

Now before you thank, “I don’t have time”, “I’m too busy” or “what the? Something ELSE to do?” you need to understand that working on yourself doesn’t have to be a formal education process or something ADDITIONAL you need to do.

Here are some simple ideas that have a positive impact on you and can help you grow:

  • Read a book (it doesn’t have to be a business book, novels add new ideas and perspectives too)
  • Attend an industry convention
  • Join a mastermind group
  • Attend a networking function
  • Listen to a podcast (Naturally I recommend the Get More Success Show)
  • Spend time with friend talking about challenges you all face
  • Write a gratitude journal
  • Join your Professional Association
  • Sing in a choir
  • Join a charitable organisation
  • Create something
  • Ask someone else what they would do in your position and truly listen to their answer
  • Watch a foreign film (some classics you can start with include Amelie, Cinema Paradiso, Babette’s Feast and Mon Oncle)
  • Play with some kids and some Lego or building blocks to see what they create
  • Attend a trade show
  • Have a hobby

The trap of thinking we know enough is that the world keeps moving on and we can get stuck in our own way of thinking.

So what are you working on?

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Spending Time With the Future

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I spent time with the future this weekend.

Friday night, I hung out with my nephew chatting about all things that a young fella talks about. Watching movies, eating burgers and having a bit of fun.

Sunday morning I caught up with my friend’s son who wants to be a professional speaker when he grows up. I talked a fair bit but he shared some of his thoughts, asked some great questions and told me of his plans.

The future is in pretty good hands.

Both boys were a huge credit to their parents. They were respectful, polite and had a great sense of energy.

Too often we hear people talking about how the “younger generation” has it easier, are rude, have no respect, put whatever your thoughts are here. But maybe those ones are the exception to the rule.

What I heard was all about possibility, ideas, energy, enthusiasm, all without the heavy cynicism that many of us older people have.

From where I stand, the future is in good hands. It is up to us to make sure we operate in the best interest of ALL of our planet’s future inhabitants and not focus on a profit for the old farts who will soon be gone from this world.

So what are you doing today to make our world a better place for our future? It may even make things better for you too!

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You Are Not Alone

referral marketing

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Trying to achieve your goals and get the results you are after can be draining.

So often you feel like you are alone. It feels like it is you chipping away at a mountain of granite, hoping to make a break through any moment.

Hoping it is the next swing that brings the results. No? Ok, the next swing!

Maybe the next swing …

Never forget, you are not alone. 

Whether you are running your own business, raising a family, working a corporate job or serving as a volunteer, you are not alone.

You are operating in a connected world, so why not use it? 

You know how when other people ask you for help you feel fantastic when you can contribute to them? Why not let others feel that way too. You just have to do one thing.

Ask for help!

Whatever you may want or need, ask for it. You may feel embarrassed, you may feel shy, you may feel like you “should” be able to do it on your own. The reality is you don’t have to.

So what do you need to ask for?

P.S. Let me practice what I preach. I would love it if you could refer me to someone who is organising an event and needs a host or MC. Typically the event will be for 200 people or more. Thanks for the referral!

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